14 July

Uncle Jack still gone. I guess I know what that means. I must find a way out of this today. Must discover some fun. I have only just escaped from dear Miss Prism by telling Dr. Chasuble a little white lie. I informed him that Miss Prism had a slight headache and suggested a "stroll." He said he would "Hang upon her lips!" Then he called her *Egeria*! Said it was a reference to the *pagans*! I think he has been making love to her!

!!!!!! Ernest is here!!!!!!! At last! And he is exactly as I imagined him. He says I am the "visible personification of absolute perfection" and then he proposed! 3:00pm More later. No, now I am to be a married woman, I will put aside childish diaries once and for all.

(Ed's note: there follow no more entries, and documentary evidence has not been found to provide any further information on a Cecily Cardew, aged 18, from Hertfordshire.)

13 July

Oh I *do* hope that when Ernest and I get married he will have a sister that I can make mine. I have always wanted to have a sister to sleep with. It is so very lonely here with no one to share all the wonderful secrets of your life. I certainly can't share anything with Uncle Jack! He is gone again, in a highly nervous state. Uncle Jack seems quite agitated!

12 July

Uncle Jack back this afternoon for tea, and whistling (!) a tune which I highly suspect may have been from an *operetta*! Ghastly operettas! Wherever can he have learnt *that* sort of music (if one can call it music)?

10 July

Uncle Jack said at dinner this evening that cousin Ernest would have to choose between this world, the next world, and Australia. I suppose he will choose Australia becasue there certainly will be many opportunities for adventure there. Uncle Jack is going up to London this weekend to buy dear Ernest's outfit. How handsome he will look in a safari outfit (Ernest, not Uncle Jack)! I *do* hope Uncle Jack will get him one of those explorer helmets—I *do* so love a man in a hat.

I am very excited to get letters from Australia. I wonder if they use stamps. It is terribly *wild* in Australia.

9 July

I have had the most unimaginable *shock* this evening! Uncle Jack has announced that cousin Ernest is going to be emigrating immediately. I can not imagine what desperate trouble he can have gotten himself into that would require such entirely *dire* measures, but I feel I certainly must prepare myself to live as a widow, for I fear I never shall see my darling Ernest more. He has not written to inform me of his position or of any plans to spirit me away with him, and so I am quite entirely *bereft*.

8 July

Ernest says I must not fear the attentions of mere *boys*. He says he will come for me soon without fail, and that I am to be a very *patient* little girl and think of him often. Oh, my prince! I know some day he will come for me. But will he ride a white horse or a black?

Tomorrow I simply will be obliged to tell Uncle Jack that I can marry no one but Ernest. In matters of matrimony, one must take a firm stand.

7 July

Absolutely captivating afternoon party at the Marquess'. I wore white tulle. Indeed, we all wore white, as it was a croquet party. Rupert and Ralph both present, as was the Marquess of Carabas, whom Alfie finds charming (!), and it was quite a fine day. Luckily, my dear guardian had thoroughly instructed me in how to play croquet very badly indeed, so I was the object if simply *all* the boys' attentions. Uncle Jack suggested I might allow Rupert and Ralph to call on me on occasion. Whatever shall I do? I am almost anxious.

Charming game of charades—Ralph and I won one round. If only he weren't so *clean*!

6 July

Uncle Jack to be back early evening. Still, obliged to study German all day. Too hot today. Weather entirely *stifling*! Merriman nowhere to be found when we wanted refills of our lemonades. I was obliged to send Maxine after him and hold my own parasol. Bother! Then received an entirely *cranky* note from Ernest, asking me *why* I have not responded to his request to refuse the attentions of the other boys. I have another party tomorrow, so I believe I will allow my petulant boy to suffer for a day before I answer him.

2 July

I *must* dissuade my guardian from marrying me to Ralph! I am growing almost *desperate* merely thinking about it! I simply cannot bear to be married to a *nice* boy. It would give me absolutely nothing to *do*! I feel a young girl must have an occupation, and certainly one's husband is the only really suitable occupation. But when a boy is already perfect, he can *hardly* be made into any kind of project at all.

1 July

Today I asked Miss Prism if she thinks I am pretty. Miss Prism said all good looks are a snare. Indeed, she *always* says good looks are a snare. I suppose that is why she doesn't much like dear Dr. Barnaby. I wonder if Ernest is good looking. I'll bet he has dark, curly hair like Uncle Jack's and a simply *devastating* scar across his left cheek.

Miss Prism has informed me that Uncle Jack was most taken with Ralph and has said he (Ralph, not Uncle Jack) would be quite a suitable match. Oh Bother!

25 June

Ernest wrote to me today simply to ask that I tell him *how* undressed the Marquess of Carabas *was* exactly. He was *most* concerned! This makes me wonder greatly about that old snake rumour. He says he merely desires information. *I* merely desire information.

Uncle Jack gone, so I cornered Maxine. She says it's all very natural and said didn't I ever notice the stallions and the bulls. Well of *course* I feel entirely silly now. I didn't think it polite to notice. I am *so relieved* to have the matter resolved *at last*. I suppose this proves once and for all that men are animals.

23 June

Midsummer's Eve. The servants held the bonfire but I was obliged to observe from my window as Uncle Jack kept me in at door all night. Bother! Double bother! But I did put out a Midsummer Man each for myself and Ernest, as well as a bit of coal under my pillow. I *do* hope I shall dream of him! But now I can not sleep for fear of *not* dreaming of him! Whatever shall I do if I dream of someone else? And how will I know if I *do* dream of him—how will I know, since I do not as yet know what he looks like?! I do hope he does not look like everyone else!

19 June

Whole day with my dear guardian. We took Maxine along to hold my parasol, and we took the dogcart that has no top. Entirely charming day. We drove out of Hertfordshire entirely and called upon Uncle Jack's acquaintance, Mr. Fawlty of Tunbridge Wells. Dear Mr. Fawlty is a most charming and *eccentric* fellow. He has a *moose*head on his wall. It is imported all the way from Canada, in America, and he disapproves of Germans very much. I approve of Mr. Fawlty very much.

18 June

Dear Ernest is very annoyed at all the evening parties I have gone to in his absence and has entirely *refused* to speak to me about his travels until I tell him absolutely *everything* that has happened. Of course, I have nothing at all to hide, so I will tell him nothing. I do like a bit of sulkiness in a man, but snits are another matter entirely.

Uncle Jack back this evening in a most agreeable mood! He promises to take me for a nice drive tomorrow unless the weather prevails.

17 June

My dear guardian has so many philanthropies that he has been in London for many days. He has, in addition to the N.A.A.C.P. and our new Farmers Food Insurance Fund, the S.O.B (Save the Buttons), the W.A.V.E (Widows Against Vegetarian Eating), the Liberal Unionists Against Reasonable Seizure, and the Wives of Foreign Wars. I always think it is good for a man to have an occupation but it is my opinion that my dear guardian is going entirely *too far*. My occupation until I marry my true love Ernest, is writing this little diary. It will be most charming reading for other young ladies and also quite entirely *instructional* for the lower orders.

16 June

My dear romantic boy has written to me at last! He apologized so sweetly for failing to write more often but says that he has missed me *desperately* and is entirely *determined*to find some way to me at once. He says he got in hardly any scrapes at all on his journey and that he will tell me all the details soon. He says that Uncle Jack is not at all saving him from any scrapes—that Uncle Jack is merely spying on poor Ernest, but also attending to his philanthropies.

Oh I am so *relieved* that my dear sweet love is home!

15 June

My darling, darling wonderful perfect love Ernest has returned I know it because my dear guardian has gone to London for several days. Oh, I *do* hope Ernest and he will reconcile and return here together. I do *so* long to see my darling Ernest after all this time. I cannot see why dear Uncle Jack will not bring the dear boy down here some time. The country has a most wholesome effect upon a person. I believe the clean air and the beauty of the place have a specially bracing and inspirational effect upon those of the male sex. No doubt dear Ernest would be quite healed of his indiscretions were he here.

14 June

My dear dear darling guardian has consented to found a farmers' fund in *my name*! I am not interested in philanthropic work myself, but I do like having my name on things, especially things concerned with eating.

Lessons not *so* very bad today. Miss Prism *quite* relaxed today, and let the conversation slip to my long-lost Ernest, who has not written to me in so long that I despair he has been killed or kidnapped. When I asked Miss Prism about kidnappings, though, she became *quite agitated* and said she needed to pray. Poor Miss Prism must be worried about dear Ernest too.

13 June

Read a recent *Times* this afternoon after tea. Weather gloomy out, so I stayed in at doors. The main story was about the agricultural depression. I am not used to read about matters of money, but they seemed to be speaking of country matters. Apparently, there is *quite* a *crisis* in Agriculture with prices being too low and farmers and the families not being able to eat. How dreadful not to be able to eat! I am entirely devoted to eating. I must speak to Uncle Jack about adding the farmers as a new philanthropy.

12 June

Uncle Jack quite often seems a little bored when he is with me and Miss Prism. I wonder what he is thinking about. He is fine when he is just with me.

Lovely tea today with more rose petal sandwiches. I am *devoted* to rose petal sandwiches.